The Unspoken Language of Grief at Work

Most mental health struggles at work don’t look like crisis.They look like competence.

They look like showing up on time.Hitting deadlines.Being dependable.Being praised for resilience.

They look like someone who is holding it together, quietly, consistently, and at a cost no one can see.

What we don’t bring to work

As I’ve moved through grief in my own life, one thing has become very clear to me: most people at work had no idea what I was carrying.

I didn’t talk about it.I didn’t want to.And, like many professionals, I knew how to keep it contained.

We don’t bring our grief into meetings.We don’t put it on agendas.We don’t lead with it in emails.

We show up anyway.

We carry anxiety, loss, exhaustion, family upheaval, illness, divorce, caregiving, and quiet heartbreak invisibly, because that’s what professionalism has taught us to do.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t there.It just means it’s hidden.

A moment that stayed with me

One of the editors of my book, a friend and a former boss from my time at Black Press, said something to me after he read it that I haven’t stopped thinking about.

He told me he wanted to apologize.

He said he had no idea what I was going through at the time we worked together. That he wished he had asked more questions. That he wished he had known.

There was no blame in his voice. Just reflection.

And that’s exactly the point.

Grief doesn’t announce itself at work.It doesn’t come with visible warning signs.And often, the people around us have no idea what’s happening beneath the surface.

Why grief literacy matters in the workplace

This is why I believe so strongly in bringing grief literacy into workplaces, not in a clinical way, and not in a way that exposes or diagnoses anyone.

Grief literacy isn’t about pointing out problems.It isn’t about therapy sessions or fixing people.And it isn’t about asking employees to share things they’re not ready, or willing, to share.

Grief literacy is about awareness and language.

It’s about understanding that grief exists in many forms, not just death, and that everyone is walking some version of it at any given time.

It’s about recognizing that professionalism doesn’t erase humanity.

And it’s about creating environments where people don’t feel invisible while they’re holding everything together.

We don’t need fixing... we need noticing

One of the biggest misunderstandings around grief is the belief that it needs to be fixed.

It doesn’t.

Grief isn’t a problem to solve.It’s a reality to be acknowledged.

In the workplace, that acknowledgment doesn’t have to be heavy or invasive. Often, it’s the smallest moments that matter most:

• A genuine check-in

• A question asked without expectation

• A simple “If you ever need anything, I’m here, even for a random reason”

Sometimes it’s noticing when someone isn’t quite shining the way they usually do.

And sometimes, even when nothing seems “wrong” it’s just showing up with language that allows space instead of silence.

The beautiful mother tree I got to capture in Madeira, Portugal

What safe spaces actually look like

I was reminded of this recently at a women’s community connectivity meeting I attended.

One woman stood up and shared her story, something deeply personal that had taken her a long time to find the courage to talk about. As she spoke, you could feel the room shift.

Not because everyone had lived the same experience, but because everyone could relate to it in their own way.

And what struck me most was what didn’t happen.

No one tried to fix her. No one interrupted. No one minimized or redirected her pain.

People listened. They held space. They showed up.

It was safe. And it mattered.

That kind of environment, whether in community spaces or workplaces, doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when we choose presence over solutions.

The quiet cost of holding it together

So much of what we call “resilience” at work is actually endurance.

It’s people pushing through because they have to. Because bills need paying. Because responsibilities don’t pause for grief.

And while resilience is often celebrated, we rarely talk about its cost.

Mental health in the workplace isn’t always about falling apart. More often, it’s about the exhaustion that comes from never being able to.

A gentle truth

Every workplace is filled with people carrying things you cannot see.

Grief doesn’t need to be fixed. But it does need to be acknowledged, softly, respectfully, humanly.

Sometimes support doesn’t start with solutions.

Sometimes it starts with noticing who’s still standing.